My anniversary, dancing in the minefields

Today is my anniversary. Nine years ago today on March 23, 2002, Stephanie and I got married. Many of you know the story of how God brought us back together. I will save that story for a later time. I will say a few things though looking back over the 9 years. Those of you who have been married for decades probably just laughed at that saying "ha, he thinks he knows something after 9 years". Yes, it's only been 9, but there have been lessons learned, and I will continue to learn more.

Marriage is not primarily about us, it's about God.

It's about loving someone who doesn't deserve to be loved.

It's about forgiving someone who has sinned against you, and will continue to sin against you.

It is only as I realize that I am the one who doesn't deserve to be loved and have sinned not only against Stephanie, but against God that I am able to properly love and forgive her.

In the Bible, God talks about the church (the body of believers, not the building) being the "bride" of Christ. He is the bridegroom who has perfectly loved his bride, and will continue to do so. That love cost Him his life.

Yes, God cares deeply about our marriage, but there is more at stake than that.

Like I said, Marriage is not about us, it's about God. We love each other and thank God for our marriage but realize that after this life, there will only be a marriage between the real bridegroom (Jesus) and his bride.

While Marriage is not primarily about us, it is important to us.

We enjoy spending time together, living life together, celebrating successes together and comforting each other when we fail or suffer loss. We don't do this as much as we should, but are learning. We are looking forward to going camping together this weekend to celebrate our 9 years. Hopefully that will involve tennis, fishing, and a hike, the weather suggests that might not happen though.

I love this song from Andrew Peterson. Yes, there are minefields, but it's worth it. I look forward to the many years to come.

Stephanie, as the song says "I will walk with you in the shadow lands, till the shadow disappears"!

Marriage

The following is a quote from Paul Tripp's book "What did you expect? Redeeming the Realities of Marriage":

“Your marriage may be good. It may even be great. You may have grown together in appreciation, respect, unity, understanding, and love. You may have learned where problems typically exist for you as a couple, and you may have learned how to solve them together. You may have identified places where you and your marriage need to mature. You may have created a lifestyle of honest communication and efficient problem solving. You may have forged a solid and enjoyable friendship between you. You may be able to look back and be thankful because you recognize what you once were compared to what you are now.

“But there is one thing that you need to accept: your marriage may be great, but it is not safe. No marriage this side of eternity is totally problem protected. No marriage is all that it could be. This side of heaven daily temptations are constant threats to you and your marriage. This side of heaven the spiritual war goes on. This side of heaven good marriages are good marriages because the people in those marriages are committed to doing daily the things that keep their marriages good. Things go wrong when couples think they have reached the point when they can retire from their marital work and chill out, lay back, and slide. Perhaps the greatest danger to a good marriage is a good marriage, because when things are good, we are tempted to give way to feelings of arrival and forsake the attitudes and disciplines that have, by God’s grace, made our marriage what it has become.”

We cannot coast through marriage. It's hard work. It's lots of daily attitudes and actions. It's not each person giving 50%. It's each person giving 100%. Is it easy, no. Do we often fail, yes. I can easily say that when we fail it is usually when we are putting our needs and time ahead of the other.

A few years ago Stephanie and I went to a "Weekend to Remember" conference by Family Life Today www.familylife.com. Did we go because our marriage needed help? Yes. Does our marriage need help now? Yes. The truth is that there is never a time when our marriage doesn't need help. When you think that your marriage doesn't need help, it means that it really needs help!

Personal prayer: Lord, thank you for Stephanie. She is a gift from you. Help us to allow you to transform our marriage. Protect and guard our marriage for your sake.